Thu, May 24, 2012
Fifty percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. Yikes! That’s a ton of unhappy people. And what about the couples that stay married? Are they happy?
Do I want you to divorce? Absolutely NOT! Once you understand how the seeds of divorce are created and spread throughout your relationship, you will be more aware on what to avoid.
From the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep, every thought, feeling and sensation is recorded by your subconscious mind and replayed approximately 2-3 times during the night. Even more importantly, every thought, feeling and sensation during the last 30 minutes before you go to sleep is recorded and replayed 15-17 times. YIKES! That’s significant. This time period is obviously a big deal. The repetition of the replay is what programs the subconscious mind for success or failure. After 7-10 days in a row of thinking the same, basic thoughts (good or bad), stress is placed on the subconscious to manifest itself into its physical equivalent even if it’s not good for you. Basically, what ever you think about during this time you are going to get.
Because the last 30 minutes is so significant, the person you sleep with during that period is the most important person in your life. Period! The seeds of divorce are sprinkled throughout the relationship long before the culmination of parting, based on the thoughts occurring during this time. Here’s what happens.
You or your significant other begin to have thoughts about another person or may look at another person in a romantic or sexual way. Possibly, both of you begin quarreling and one or both begin to think negative thoughts of the other. “He’s such a jerk! I hate how he acts! He’s such an *#$%@*!
These thoughts finally find their way into the bedroom during the last 30 minutes before you sleep. Even though this can seem very innocent, you must be careful what you think. And if you do think negative it will take an inordinate amount of positive thoughts to overcome the ones that were negative.
Thoughts are what brought you together in the first place. Before you got married, you thought about that person a lot. Eventually you and that person thought the same thing, and many times simultaneously. This shared vision ignited the relationship to grow and prosper.
Therefore, the relationship is only as strong as what you think about that person when they’re not there. When you’re apart and if you have no thoughts about your significant other or you’re only thinking of someone else, that is recorded and replayed multiple times that night while asleep. Be very mindful of the negative thoughts about your significant other being a nag, mean, non-responsive or indifferent regarding sex, affection or romance. Having those thoughts just before you go to sleep will program the subconscious to turn that into the physical equivalent of what you thought. It will happen!
So going to bed in a very positive mindset with your significant other is crucial. Most of us don’t go to bed at the same time any more. You should. And during the last 5 minutes before you go to sleep, take this time to just touch, kiss or say sweet nothings. Absolutely avoid talk about children, finance or jobs. If there is any talk at all, make it only about shared vision of the two of you in the future. Otherwise it’s just a time to be with each other in an intimate way.
Apply this to waking up as well. First thing in the morning, think of your significant other. If they’ve left the bed earlier, get up and find them. Give them 30 seconds to just say, “Good morning! How are you? I hope you have a great day!” And if you leave the house before he or she wakes, leave them a note saying, “Have an awesome day. I love you!” This will frame your day with a positive attitude towards your relationship and it will do the same for the most important person in your life.
In addition, avoid the marriage jokes. Avoid participating in the spousal put-down. Unfortunately, there can be truth in jest. Remember that your subconscious mind does NOT know the difference between fantasy and reality. Don’t even go here! Millions of people laugh everyday at marriage jokes. Do NOT let the joke be on you.
The bottom line is we can think ourselves into a divorce just as easily as we can think ourselves into a great, loving, nurturing relationship. Think about what you think about. Take nothing for granted. And don’t forget the last 30 minutes before you go to sleep.
Jim Fannin is the World’s #1 Coach of Champions. Jim has coached more champions – in sports, business and life – than anyone else on earth. As a mental performance coach to some of the world’s top athletes and most successful company CEOs, he has been called the “Change Your Life” Coach. His thought management system has transformed tens of thousands of people’s lives by teaching them to reduce and manage their thoughts – putting them in a “Zone State.”